Consensual Non-Consent: No, It’s Not “Rape Play”

“There is a flaw at the heart of D/s,” I’d often say in the early days of my Dominance/submission explorations with my husband. The flaw, in my mind, lay within the open-ended nature of consent. I felt that if I had a choice to revoke my submission at any time, whether by using a safeword […]

D/s and the Spiritual Journey

If you were to rely on television and film as a guide to how BDSM impacts one’s soul, it wouldn’t be a pretty picture. Kink is used as shorthand for moral downfall, and most every kinky character onscreen is either part of some Satanic cult, or is a sadistic serial killer, or a heartless politician, […]

BDSM and Aftercare, Why It Matters More Than You Think

In the first years of our D/s relationship, my Daddy Dom husband and I gave scant attention to the concept of aftercare, no matter how kinky we got in the bedroom. Yes, we constantly came across the advice to finish up BDSM play with a period of aftercare, often hearing it described as an “integral” […]

BDSM Without Power Exchange

How long have you two been into BDSM? What got you interested? JJ: Sometimes I don’t know if we can say we belong to the BDSM community, even though we go to events and have a lot of friends in the community. We enjoy kinky things, like spankings and flogging and light bondage, but we […]

Interview with a Dom: Robert

You’re a Dominant. How did you get started in BDSM? I was already well into middle age when I started seeing a woman, an ex-girlfriend actually, pretty much out of boredom. As you might expect, the relationship wasn’t going very well, and I was thinking it was probably time to end it. But one night we […]

Coming Out as BDSM

The discovery of power exchange and BDSM set my marriage on sexual fire and swept up my husband and I in a wave of more honest communication, deeper intimacy, unbreakable trust, and more liberated love. We deeply wished we had discovered our D/s dynamic sooner, and I often felt angry that this path to unlocking […]

Does Kink Know Any Boundaries?

BDSM is an umbrella term that shelters a nearly endless array of kinks and fetish behavior. Lately, the alleged cannibalism fetish of the actor Armie Hammer has been all over the Internet, but there are plenty of others: puppy play, knife play, Shibari, feminization, and controlled chastity to name just a few. Just when you […]

Is “Consent Culture” ruining BDSM?

Early in 2020, I dressed up for a what I thought would be a fun night in a well-known dungeon in Los Angeles. A group of about 50 people were there, a large fraction of them heading over from a nearby conference on sex positivity. For many, it was their first experience in a BDSM […]

Review: “Kink: Stories” Doesn’t Do BDSM Any Favors

In planning this site, I was sure I’d never review BDSM fiction. First, because that is not our focus, and there are plenty of other BDSM-themed sites devoted to nothing but reviews of books and products. Second, because it is all but impossible to find quality erotica or fiction about kink that is worth one’s […]


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