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BDSM Rules, Rituals & Protocols (part 2)

Control: The Building Blocks of Rituals and Protocols Almost all rules, rituals and protocols center around the Dom practicing control of the sub, and the sub practicing surrender to the Dom’s control. There are a number of areas in which a Dom can control the sub’s body and behavior, and a couple can choose from […]

BDSM Rules, Rituals & Protocols (part 1)

When we think of “training” in a D/s relationship, the first image that comes to mind is of a Dominant introducing his/her submissive to a set of rules or rituals and instructing the sub in how he/she wants them performed. We imagine a Dom sitting in chair, riding crop in hand, teaching the sub deferential […]

Who Has the Real Power in D/s – Dominant or Submissive?

In my very first BDSM relationship, I was the Dominant. Well, I played the role of Dominant anyway, dressing up in leather, whirling a flogger over my head, giving my masochistic boyfriend frequent beatings … and growing very irritated when he didn’t do what I told him. Aren’t you supposed to be my submissive? I’d […]

How to Train Your Dominant

With the thrilling discovery that one enjoys the submission side of BDSM, many an eager sub finds him/herself longing to be “trained” by a Dominant. Lucky for their Doms, manuals on submissive training abound on book-selling sites. Some of these manuals are good, and some are bad (and badly written). Yet, all are incomplete with […]

Interview with a submissive: Ariel

How long have you been practicing BDSM and D/s? What drew you to it?  When I was about 14 or 15, I had a boyfriend who was into wearing leather, and we got the idea to try to tie each other up. We’d basically switch back and forth, but I remember being very drawn to that sexually, the being tied up.  From then on, I knew I was […]

Consensual Non-Consent: No, It’s Not “Rape Play”

“There is a flaw at the heart of D/s,” I’d often say in the early days of my Dominance/submission explorations with my husband. The flaw, in my mind, lay within the open-ended nature of consent. I felt that if I had a choice to revoke my submission at any time, whether by using a safeword […]

D/s and the Spiritual Journey

If you were to rely on television and film as a guide to how BDSM impacts one’s soul, it wouldn’t be a pretty picture. Kink is used as shorthand for moral downfall, and most every kinky character onscreen is either part of some Satanic cult, or is a sadistic serial killer, or a heartless politician, […]

BDSM and Aftercare, Why It Matters More Than You Think

In the first years of our D/s relationship, my Daddy Dom husband and I gave scant attention to the concept of aftercare, no matter how kinky we got in the bedroom. Yes, we constantly came across the advice to finish up BDSM play with a period of aftercare, often hearing it described as an “integral” […]

BDSM Without Power Exchange

How long have you two been into BDSM? What got you interested? JJ: Sometimes I don’t know if we can say we belong to the BDSM community, even though we go to events and have a lot of friends in the community. We enjoy kinky things, like spankings and flogging and light bondage, but we […]

Interview with a Dom: Robert

You’re a Dominant. How did you get started in BDSM? I was already well into middle age when I started seeing a woman, an ex-girlfriend actually, pretty much out of boredom. As you might expect, the relationship wasn’t going very well, and I was thinking it was probably time to end it. But one night we […]

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