A Dom/sub conversation about subby tears with the most traditional Dom I know … the sub: When it comes to BDSM play such as impact, I have enjoyed a decent pain tolerance, at least if there’s enough of a gradual build for my brain to release all those lovely endorphins that help me along. Once [...]
A Dom/sub conversation about negotiating power exchange with the most traditional Dom I know ... the sub: When I first came up with the idea of writing a blog post I wanted to call, “How to Train Your Dominant,” I thought it was a cute tongue-in-cheek way to get attention and a click. After all, [...]
Back in the 1960s and ‘70s, when the Leather community anchored in San Francisco was pretty much inventing modern BDSM, it was taken for granted that a would-be Dominant would begin training for power exchange by first serving as a submissive to a mentor Dom. After all, how could Dominants learn to control the submissive [...]
In my very first BDSM relationship, I was the Dominant. Well, I played the role of Dominant anyway, dressing up in leather, whirling a flogger over my head, giving my masochistic boyfriend frequent beatings … and growing very irritated when he didn’t do what I told him. Aren’t you supposed to be my submissive? I’d [...]
“There is a flaw at the heart of D/s,” I’d often say in the early days of my Dominance/submission explorations with my husband. The flaw, in my mind, lay within the open-ended nature of consent. I felt that if I had a choice to revoke my submission at any time, whether by using a safeword [...]
In my first foray into BDSM, it was my pain-loving “submissive” boyfriend who put a whip in my hand and begged me to use it on him. Being what I have always called “sexually game,” I gave it a try. I was not a fan of whacking him, not at first, I winced the entire [...]
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