When Dominant and submissive work together to reprogram their brains toward a power exchange dynamic, there are a number of tools available to them, from operant conditioning to classical conditioning, along with different types of voluntary “brainwashing.” Still another way to rewire the mind is through the purposeful use of mental triggers that work like [...]
When we enter a power exchange relationship for the first time, we have a lot of mental reprogramming to do to create a path for ourselves away from the societal rules most of learned about equality between partners. It is not all that easy to drop our cultural conditional conditioning toward parity. Both Dominant and [...]
If “sex” is in the title of a TV show, I am probably going to watch it — and if Michelle Williams is in it, I am definitely going to watch it — but I have some sex-positive friends who nonetheless were turned off by the title of Dying for Sex, thinking it would be [...]
A Dom/sub conversation about subby tears with the most traditional Dom I know … the sub: When it comes to BDSM play such as impact, I have enjoyed a decent pain tolerance, at least if there’s enough of a gradual build for my brain to release all those lovely endorphins that help me along. Once [...]
Back in the 1960s and ‘70s, when the Leather community anchored in San Francisco was pretty much inventing modern BDSM, it was taken for granted that a would-be Dominant would begin training for power exchange by first serving as a submissive to a mentor Dom. After all, how could Dominants learn to control the submissive [...]
How did you first get into BDSM? I was hanging out with a friend of the family, and after having a bit to drink, I went with my gut instinct, and put on music from the The Full Monty and stripped for her. She said, “If this were any other day, I’d slap you so [...]
A Dom and sub walk into a bar ... and have a conversation. Well, okay, we weren’t in a bar, Robert (the Dom) and I (the sub) were in separate cities emailing each other. It is always interesting to look at a power exchange issue from both sides of the D/s slash. Such as a [...]
In my very first BDSM relationship, I was the Dominant. Well, I played the role of Dominant anyway, dressing up in leather, whirling a flogger over my head, giving my masochistic boyfriend frequent beatings … and growing very irritated when he didn’t do what I told him. Aren’t you supposed to be my submissive? I’d [...]
With the thrilling discovery that one enjoys the submission side of BDSM, many an eager sub finds him/herself longing to be “trained” by a Dominant. Lucky for their Doms, manuals on submissive training abound on book-selling sites. Some of these manuals are good, and some are bad (and badly written). Yet, all are incomplete with [...]
If you were to rely on television and film as a guide to how BDSM impacts one’s soul, it wouldn’t be a pretty picture. Kink is used as shorthand for moral downfall, and most every kinky character onscreen is either part of some Satanic cult, or is a sadistic serial killer, or a heartless politician, [...]
