When Dominant and submissive work together to reprogram their brains toward a power exchange dynamic, there are a number of tools available to them, from operant conditioning to classical conditioning, along with different types of voluntary “brainwashing.” Still another way to rewire the mind is through the purposeful use of mental triggers that work like [...]
When we enter a power exchange relationship for the first time, we have a lot of mental reprogramming to do to create a path for ourselves away from the societal rules most of learned about equality between partners. It is not all that easy to drop our cultural conditional conditioning toward parity. Both Dominant and [...]
A conversation about cohabitation in power exchange with the most traditional Dominant I know ... the sub: I discovered D/s with my husband two weeks into our marriage. It was such an intense rush of discovery that we talked about it incessantly, experimented wildly, and fell so hard in love with each other in these [...]
Art is, of course, subjective, and we all respond to a movie in our own unique way, so it’s not surprising that the movie Pillion—billed as a “romantic dramedy” starring the always riveting Alexander Skarsgard—became the subject of debate in BDSM circles. But rarely has a movie been more of an ink blot test of [...]
If “sex” is in the title of a TV show, I am probably going to watch it — and if Michelle Williams is in it, I am definitely going to watch it — but I have some sex-positive friends who nonetheless were turned off by the title of Dying for Sex, thinking it would be [...]
A Dom/sub conversation about negotiating power exchange with the most traditional Dom I know ... the sub: When I first came up with the idea of writing a blog post I wanted to call, “How to Train Your Dominant,” I thought it was a cute tongue-in-cheek way to get attention and a click. After all, [...]
How did you first get into BDSM? I was hanging out with a friend of the family, and after having a bit to drink, I went with my gut instinct, and put on music from the The Full Monty and stripped for her. She said, “If this were any other day, I’d slap you so [...]
After four years of enjoying a “secret” BDSM life that no one knew about, just my husband and I making up our own rules as we went along, we joined our local kink community. It was a great decision for many reasons — the awesome people! — but it was quickly made clear we’d be [...]
When we think of “training” in a D/s relationship, the first image that comes to mind is of a Dominant introducing his/her submissive to a set of rules or rituals and instructing the sub in how he/she wants them performed. We imagine a Dom sitting in chair, riding crop in hand, teaching the sub deferential [...]
In my very first BDSM relationship, I was the Dominant. Well, I played the role of Dominant anyway, dressing up in leather, whirling a flogger over my head, giving my masochistic boyfriend frequent beatings … and growing very irritated when he didn’t do what I told him. Aren’t you supposed to be my submissive? I’d [...]
